Thursday, August 2, 2012

What to do?

A friend, mutual friend, asked me a question last week. He informed me that Hilda is coming to town later this month and asked what I will do if she contacts me. My answer was easy. Nothing, because she won't. It isn't her style. Unless she has finally changed her ways. Which would be a good thing because she wasn't an evil person, just a bad friend.

When I last talked to Hilda she had no clue what to do to salvage our friendship. That in itself was very telling and not unexpected. One of the problems with her is that nothing is ever her fault. It is always the other person who screwed up and has to make moves to patch things up. Whether that is reality or not.

There were only 2 things she had to do to maintain her friendship with me. Pretty simple things. First, once she actually knew what she did wrong sincerely apologize for it. Before knowing, she issued a blanket apology for whatever it was. Which is basic Hilda. Mind you it is something she would NEVER accept from anyone else. If you don't know what you are apologizing for the apology means nothing.

Secondly, she would have to have shown me that she was changing her ways. Hilda had become an extremely unreliable and bitchy person. You just couldn't count on her to be there, UNLESS she needed something from you. Other friends, like Spock, wrote her off years before I did because of this behaviour. She had also become way too bitchy and insulting. Often she would hide behind the excuse of "just being blunt". Of course to change her ways she would have to admit she did something wrong.

One thing I learned about Hilda over the years was that she rarely accepted responsibility when she lost friends. And she lost quite a few. She would rationalize to try and make herself innocent of anything that might have caused the rift. It was no use trying to point out what she did wrong to her.

Some of her last words to me were "Well, I can't think of anything else I can do."

And that was the moment when I said enough is enough. If a person has to be told they should give a sincere apology anything they say would be meaningless. I knew she wasn't going to change and that was the end of the friendship.

Or, as she told Stig, I threw our friendship away. Because nothing is ever her fault in any way. It is always others.

If she contacts me while she is here I wouldn't tell her to fuck off. But she would have to show she had changed before any friendship could be renewed. Not that I actually expect to hear from her. That would be completely out of character for her. If she did it would be a good sign that she has changed.


  1. I'd be willing to bet she won't contact you.
    Like you said, it isn't her style.
    She made an appointment to meet me for lunch once, and didn't bother to show up, or even call me, until the day after. And then she didn't apologize. She just said that she "forgot," like I wasn't important enough to make any kind of effort.
    And then she would visit Cheongju without telling either of us, and post how good a time she'd had on Facebook.
    But when we did it to her, we got a tongue-lashing for not being "nice."
    She is not a good friend.

  2. Very true. Spock caught on a lot quicker than I did. Or rather I let things go for too long.