Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Foot in Motormouth Diease

Sarge saw Skyfall the weekend it opened. On the Monday he talked about it on the drop. As we talked about the Bond franchise Motormouth said "I have every Bond movie."

The topic turned to the various Bonds. Who was your favourite? As soon as someone mentioned Connery MM blurted out "He isn't British!"

I smirked, as did everyone else, and thought "Ha. Got you, you ignorant little prick. You are going to say he is English. Not British. He is Scottish AND British." That is pretty much what the others thought. None of us were ready for the direction Motormouth went in.

MM went on "Connery is American!".

There was a collective silence for a few seconds. We all tried wrapping our minds around what the moron had just said.

"No, he is not America." Several of us said at the same time.

"He is an American. I read it somewhere. It is a fact."

Sarge lost it "You fucking moron. Connery is British. Every Bond has been British.How fucking stupid are you?"

Motormouth went into defend the indefensible mode. "No. Connery is American. Bond doesn't have to be British."

A lot of things were said at that point about the stupidity that is Motormouth. I said "Motormouth, Connery is Scottish. And British. How teh fuck could you think he is a Yank?"

His reply was "Well, I never watched the early Bond movies." This from a person that had started off by bragging he had every Bond movie. Nor could he say just where he got this nugget of "fact" about Connery being American. Sarge summed it up best when he said "MM, you just have to talk even when you don't know what you are talking about. You make stuff up. This is why people think you are a fucking idiot."

Motormouth actually compunded his folly later. One of the guys, Mike, will sometimes sing Opera while working. Opera is not my favourite genre of music but Mike does have a good voice for it. I just zone it out. As we are finishing up Mike is joking around and singing Justin Bieber's song "boyfriend" badly. (Can Bieber be sung any other way?) After a bit I jokingly tell him he should stick to Opera.

Motormouth had to chime in. "Yeah Mike. Stick to The Tenors and Mussolini."

I looked at him and said "Mussolini?"

"Yeah, isn't he an Opera singer?" replied MM. Once again, it is hard to believe, but that is what MM believed.

"Mussolini was an Italian dictator and fascist who sided with the Nazis in WW2. You did go to school didn't you?"

"Oh, I must have mixed him up with someone else."

"Or you are just an idiot taht can't shut up when he doesn't know he is talking about." said Sarge.

At times I think of what Duffman said. Motormouth is either a comedic genious doing this deliberately for laughs and getting away with it. Or he is a moron. I believe it is the latter. He just wants to be in every conversation, even when it isn't his business, and just says whatever comes to mind to be part of it.

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