This post is my reply to a comment made on What The Kimchi.
Anonymous September 4, 2012 9:25 AM
answer my question why not kill urself?
Yes, I know it wasn't meant as a real question. It was one of several attack comments and threats posted by some anonymous fucktards hoping to piss me off. It is an interesting question and one that I choose to answer.
The short answer is that I don't believe in committing suicide.
While I understand that people can be driven to it suicide isn't something I could do or contemplate. If I believed in it I would have killed myself back in 1995 when my life was falling apart.
One of my cousins committed suicide in the early 90's. Her parents blamed themselves for not seeing it coming. Not having prevented it. It didn't matter that she lived halfway across the country when it happened. It didn't matter that she left a note. All that mattered was that one of their children was dead and they blamed themselves. It almost destroyed their marriage. My Uncle died in the late 90's and my Aunt STILL blames herself.
I believe that if you truly love just one person on the planet you won't put them through the hell of a suicide. I love my mother. I would NEVER want her to go through what my Aunt and Uncle did. Nor my Brothers and Sisters. Nieces and Nephews. It doesn't matter what you say or do, they will spend the rest of their lives blaming themselves for your death. I just couldn't do that to them.
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I can't say that I ever seriously thought about committing suicide, but there was a time in my life when I did a lot of research about what it was, what kind of thinking a suicide has, and so on.
ReplyDeleteWhenever my thoughts turn in that direction, I think about the people I would leave behind, and I realize that I could never do that to them.
I have tried to keep a postive attitude, even in dark times, and I try to keep hope alive in my heart.
If I was EVER going to entertain the thought it would have happened in '95.
ReplyDeleteI found myself thinking the same way you do.
too bad you should try it
ReplyDeleteTell you what, you show me how and I will take it under advisement. Deal?
DeleteWant my address? Come visit and lets see who walks away and who goes in an ambulance. You have my email address Princess.
Delete