My Dog's Life.

There are some things I don't write about or don't write about at the time they happen because they are too personal or too raw. Another reason is because I hate seeing people post stuff looking for a pity party or just to get people to say how great you are.

While I mentioned my dog, a German Shepherd, was dying of cancer I never really talked about it or him. He passed away over 5 weeks ago, on Victoria Day. He was never in pain, although the size of the tumour on his leg would make you think he must be. Right to the end we walked 3-4 times a day. Every day. He wouldn't let you rest if he didn't have his walks. The morning he died he had 2 walks. A while after the 2nd walk his tumour started bleeding everywhere. It was time. :(

We have always had dogs. Often 2-3 of them. He was the best of all of them. I have never seen a dog with as much personality and character as him. I would swear at times he would talk to you. Instead of barking it was like he was mumbling or talking.

When he wanted to go out in the back yard he wouldn't bark. First he would go to the door, scratch it a couple of times and maybe let out a mrrrmph. If you didn't come he would go to where you were sitting, smack you in the leg with his paw a few times, and mumble at you.

After I got home from Korea he was my alarm clock. Hell, I am still conditioned to wake up at 7AM because of him. As soon as my mom went to water fit he would come downstairs to my apartment and wake me up. At first I thought it was because he wanted out. Nope. As soon as I was up and out of bed he would either go back upstairs or lay on my couch. The non-water fit days he would let me sleep until 7:30 or 8.

It would be kind of funny at times when you were on the phone. If he wanted something, even if it was just some attention, he would start talking.mumbling at you. The people you were talking to would think there was someone in the room talking.

He is the only dog I ever hallucinated about too. :) A couple of years ago, my 2nd last in Korea, I got really sick. I thought it was food poisoning but it turned out to be the flu. Not swine flu, it was pre swine flu hysteria. Thank god Stig was around, he made sure I had lots of liquids and toilet paper. Stig is one of my best friends ever. But I digress.

So there I was in bed. Feverish. Half to three quarters out of it. And I start seeing my dog beside me. He was comforting me. I was talking to him, patting him, hugging on to him as I drifted in and out of consciousness. He helped get me through the worst part of the illness even though it was all a figment of my imagination.

I probably owe him my life right now too. Physically I was a mess when I got back from Korea. Partially out of guilt for missing so much of his life and partially because I wanted to change my life I started walking him. We worked up from 1 small walk to 3-4 long walks a day. I dropped a LOT of weight because of him. I have no doubt I would have died in the next 5 years or so because of my health and weight. I still have a ways to go but that fear is gone. Thanks to him. I still walk but it just isn't the same.

Fuck I miss him. The house isn't the same. Life isn't the same. Even if I get another dog in the future it will never be the same.