I worked for AT&T Wireless in the late 90's as a customer service rep. Basically if you had a problem or wanted to pay a bill you called us. Boy did we get some fucking morons calling in.
One night a customer called in to order a new phone. He wanted the one that was used in The Matrix with all the bells and whistles. As I filled his order I watched the price going higher and higher. Finally, he was finished giving his order and I told him the price, around $1000.
The guy flipped out. He started going on and on about how we (AT&TW) had to give him a new phone for free. I got him calmed down enough to explain why. He said that he saw the news story about how phones can cause brain cancer (there were a few stories going around back then). So, to test it he left his phone on all night in the cage with his pet rat. (He actually said rat, not mouse, gerbil, hamster. He had a pet rat.) When he woke up the rat was dead and it must have been the phone that killed him. Therefore, AT&TW owes him a new phone that won't cause cancer.
It was hard not to laugh at the stupidity of this guy but I managed not too. We had been "briefed" on how to deal with these types of calls. If they persisted we were supposed to promise that a Tech person would call and talk to them. That wasn't enough for this guy. In between cursing and moaning that we were killing him he kept trying to tell me I HAD TO give him a new phone.
I ended up passing him on to a supervisor. Unfortunately, or luckily because it was hilarious to listen to this twit, I had to stay online listening while the supervisor dealt with him. Basically, he gave him the same spiel I did and the guy kept cursing and moaning. After about 5 minutes the supervisor told him that he wasn't getting a free phone and ended the call.
He wasn't the first person I had to deal with freaking out over cell phones and cancer, nor was he the last. However, he was one of the funniest.
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