Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Self-Deception


When I was at my heaviest I never saw myself that way. It isn't that I saw myself as being thin or even normal sized. I just never saw myself as being morbidly obese. Instead, I just saw myself as fat. Even when the evidence otherwise was looking at me in the mirror. It is funny how you can find reasons to deceive yourself. I could still touch my toes and tie my shoes. Ergo, there was no severe weight problem.

Now that I have dumped a LOT of weight it is the opposite. Ok, dumped diminishes what I have done. I did the work to shed it. Now I still see myself as extremely morbidly obese. I am not. Mind you I still have a ways to go. But when I think of myself I see me as morbidly obese.

It is strange how we deceive ourselves. When I should have seen the worst I didn't. When I should see the work I have done I don't.

3 comments:

  1. I know what you mean. Sometimes I don't think of myself as fat, even when I read or hear about people with similar situatuions being described as really, really fat. I think, " Yeah, but that's not me."
    And then other times, I think the opposite.
    I went to Weight Watchers a long time ago, and I did get down to my goal weight, but I still thought of myself as fat. After I'd gained a lot of weight again, my mom showed a picture of my thin self. Maybe if I'd seen it tbefore I would have worked harder to keep it off.
    Oh well.

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  2. Big respect to you for acknowledging shit and dealing with it. I really respect that. Unfortunately I don't respect it about myself because I'm not there yet. Yeah...I know that I'm fat and stuff...but how fat am I? Definitely fatter than I want to be...but not fat enough to do anything about it. I'm getting there though...both mentally and physically.

    Thanks for putting this up mate...it's nice to know that a bloke that I know (in an internet kinda way) has been able to work through some shit that I find difficult to acknowledge. Yeah...there's plenty of shit out and about...but hearing that someone who I think of as sane and normal being able to lose weight (back in the west no less!!!)...makes me ponder my own ability to get something done.

    Thanks.

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  3. Thanks for the replies guys.

    It wasn't easy BD. I had to stop making excuses not to do it. Korea, because of the way Koreans tend to be, made it for me easy to come up with excuses.

    I still can't put a finger on exactly what made me change my lifestyle. There just doesn't seem to be one specific thing that gave me an epiphany.

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