Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Becoming a bully.

One of my friends, Jokey, used to be pretty spineless in his younger years. he would let anyone walk all over him and abuse him without saying a word. One person, Dean, really liked to pick on him and I often found myself intervening to end it. Sometimes physically.

Sadly, that person, Dean, was also a friend. A friend who had been picked on and bullied all through school and by his father. He took a route that people with similar experiences sometimes take, he became a bully himself when he found someone weaker.

One day Jokey grew a spine. It was nice to see him stand up for himself for a change. Unfortunately, he didn't grow a filter or a sense of discretion. When one guy pissed him off he felt it was fair play to lash out verbally at that persons wife in public and create a scene. He went from being a door mat to being the type of person who used to pick on him. In effect, at times, he became Dean. He became a bully.

It is actually a fairly easy transition from victim to bully. Sometimes they bully their old bullies. Sometimes they just fixate on a weaker person. The internet makes it even easier to bully or just flat out attack people. Some people do it directly while others take a more circuitous route and try to be anonymous. In the end they become that which they hated. A bully.

It is a path I can see myself taking if I didn't have boundaries I try to stick to. There are lines I try not to cross. It is tempting sometimes, and I can't claim that I am infallible and will never cross them, but I try not to do it.

*note* I posted this prematurely ... hit publish instead of save ... but I figured what the hell, it can stay as is.


  1. Some people are just naturally mean. These people like to hide behind the safety net of their own kinds or/andranks. Look what happened to this poor bastard.

  2. Yeah...it's an ugly thing..and it's easy to get carried away online and go too far. It's something that I thought about a lot at the end of last year...when I went too far in my reaction to someone being a bully in the comments section of my blog. I ended up going too far...and then the whole thing went way too far! So now...I'm being a better online citizen and not getting into arguments where I can help it. I'm trying my best to exercise better online judgement.

  3. Audience:

    Some people are just naturally mean. Some are misguided or just make mistakes. In Dean's case, he was misguided and luckily learned from it. Jokey still hasn't learned and does come off as mean at times.

  4. Burndog:

    It is easy to take a step or more too far when someone pisses you off. Online or off. And when the person who set you off keeps acting out it makes it easier to keep chipping away at them.

    I give you a lot of credit for actually stepping back and ignoring the latest BS.

  5. Thanks Flint. To be honest, I'm not even reading it. When i said that I was done with all that...I meant it. There was a comment on my blog directing me to read her site...but I ignored it. I don't really care what people I don't know have to say about me...anyone who does know me can see it all for what it is. I'm much happier just being me (and dealing with the fallout when Dr David T decides to comment on subjects such as domestic violence!) and focusing on shit that actually matters to me...like deskwarming!

  6. @ Burndog and Flint: It is easy to get carried away when you are having dialogues though blogs. It is funny how people can keep their cool w/ bullies and assholes in real life situations. I also understand how you guys can get carried away if the hostile interactions involve your blogs. I mean they are your domains after all.

  7. Burndog;

    Ignoring it is a wise decision.

  8. Audience;

    My biggest problem comes when I am bored. Then, when twats like AnonyJohn are around, I tend to use them for amusement.

    Even then there are lines I try not to cross, but almost did with John. And with Herr Consoleman.