Worst Wedding ... Ever!

A friend posted a video on Facebook called "Best Wedding Ever". While I didn't watch it I was reminded of the worst wedding I had ever been at. My then best friend D was getting married to a pig eyed sack of shit (PESS) and I was the best man.

I usually say I can't remember the whole tale unless I have a lot of booze in me. The truth is so much shit and stupidity happened I usually repress it. I am not even going to get into everything here. That would include the whole lead up to the wedding and the aftermath.

She was in love with the idea of being in love and getting married rather than in love with my friend. In fact she told a mutual friend that she "wanted" someone else but settled for him.

Some "highlights".

Having to be prepared to break the arm of the Bride's Brother so he stops harassing the Bridal Party. (That was actually the night before.)

Mediating a very vocal fight between the Bride and Maid of Honour the night before.

Having to turn on the over head fans at the church because no one, including the Minister, thought they would be needed on a hot humid summer day. (No A/C in that church.)

The Minister having to re-start the vows 33-4 times because the bride was laughing too much. Not nervous laughter, belly laughing. Which she then tried to blame on others.

The Father of the Bride's Toast to the Bride and Groom which began "I know a lot of people here hate me and want to see me dead."

The "Wedding Song", Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light". They had wanted his song "2 out of 3 ain't bad" but we talked them out of it. Seriously, they wanted "I want you, I need you, there ain't no way I am ever going to love you." but settled for a song about a guy who hit his 40's and realizes he made a mistake marrying the woman.

Everyone "having" to attend a breakfast the day after the wedding where the presents were opened. PESS would take the presents while giving the cards to hubby. She would ignore the cards, unless hubby found money in it. When it came to the presents she would pronounce whether they were good or bad and actually had a pile for those she liked and those she didn't. Always nice to let people know you think their presents are crap after getting them to pay for a meal to hear this pronouncement.

The bride accusing me and one of the Bridesmaids of screwing on their wedding bed. (We snuck into their room, left presents and papered the door shut. She turned that into us bumping ugly on the bed because ... well she needs drama in her life at all times.)

All in all it was the worst wedding I have ever been too. (I left lots of stupidity out that just made it worse.) Hopefully I never go to one that trumps it or I will stop going to weddings. To no one's surprise the couple is now unhappily divorced. Unfortunately for hubby, she made him choose between her and his old friends years before the divorce. He chose her, cut of all his old friends, and last I heard was pretty much alone, miserable, and blaming everyone but himself for his life.

RCMP Criminal Background Check takes even longer.

I was at my brother's tonight. His wife's brother and family are visiting and he is in the RCMP. We talked about the whole fingerprint VSS check. He says it is worse than I was told. It will take 3-4 months to get the check done if you are lucky. Expect it to be more like 6 months.

Why? Because the government dumped the extra work on the RCMP, and other police forces, without actually giving them more people or money to do it. The VSS checks have a low priority. And there isn't any movement by the government to improve things.

I have already lost 12 jobs because of this. No one wants to wait 3-4 months, let alone 6, to hire someone to fill an empty position. So much for trying to find work in fields I am qualified in and would enjoy.

People who know nothing about the process but feel the need to tell me that it couldn't possibly be the way it is tend to irk me. One of those type of people was at my brother's (a mutual friend of my brother and I) during this conversation. Maybe now he won't feel the need to open his pie hole and speak about shit he knows nothing of, shit that I am actually having to deal with.

The joys of life.

Rum and Coke Joke

A Baptist minister was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to St. John's. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Newfie asked for Rum & Coke, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Newfie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Depression

I always thought depression is one of the most dangerous of states of mind. At extremes it can cause people to do some self-destructive things. One of the things I enjoyed about the high level class I taught, with adults, is that we could explore serious issues. Depression is one that worked with quite a few classes. It is something I have had first hand experience with.

Back in the mid-90's my life was falling apart. If I believed in suicide, well, I wouldn't be writing this right now. I can't really put my finger on any one thing that got me through it. The support of my Mom definitely helped. It just took time to work through things and actually believe life would get better.

Lately I have been feeling a little down. Life isn't going the way I want it too. It is hard to find a job I actually like. While I could piss and moan about the bullshit in Korea I enjoyed teaching. I actually miss teaching.

Last night, halfway through a show I enjoy, I just got hit by a wave of depression. I felt like crying and I had no idea why. The night was pretty much a write off. This morning I started to do something that I haven't done in a long time. I tried to talk myself out of going for my morning walk. It had rained so it was wet and foggy, and it looked like the rain could start again. Luckily, I didn't convince myself not to go.

I find that when I walk I do one of two things. Either I put my brain in neutral and the time just passes while I think about nothing. Or I talk/think through whatever is on my mind. Today I did the latter. And it worked, I figured out what was bothering me.

Yesterday I had a security system installed for my Mom. It does home security, fire, and there is a special pendant like thing for medical help for my Mom if needed. With Ruger gone it bothers me to think of Mom being home alone. If I take a job outside Canada, or in another Province, she would be alone. And that dear Brutus is the rub.

What got me depressed was the fact I got the security system ... and Ruger is gone. It made it somehow more definite and really brought it home. He isn't here to protect her anymore. To protect the house. Even now, writing this, I am getting choked up. Damn I miss that crazy mutt.

It is strange what can bring out our emotions at times. Or plunge us into a bout of depression. The hard part is getting yourself out of it.

Internet Threats

A friend, EB, is currently involved in a "war" of sorts on YouTube. A guy he used to be friends with turned into a twat and started attacking and making threats. EB lashed back telling what he thought of him and let it go. The self named "fat angry bastard" continued his attacks including personal threats and "calling" EB out.

EB lives in the UK. FAB lives in Australia. What kind of a morons tries to "call someone out" from the other side of the world? Does he actually think EB will hop on a plane and come fight him? And making threats of violence on video over the net? Bravo. So brave. And so admissible in court. What a fucktard.

EB made a beautiful reply which basically encapsulated what I thought of FAB's stupidity. He pointed out that FAB needs to be careful who he attacks and calls out. There are a LOT of whackjobs on the internet, and YouTube in particular. One day he is going to piss off, threaten, the wrong one and he may end up with a visitor at his door.

Just look at how the Korean NetNazis act out and post peoples personal information. FAB posts videos on YouTube showing himself, his home, and talking about life. That makes it even easier to find him if some whackjob was so inclined. It is something Herr Consoleman on Korea Sentry needs to keep in mind as he spews his racist bile while living in Australia. His personal info is just a google click away.

It reminds me of the stupidity of some of the idiots who called in when I worked at the call centre. I had access to their SSN, personal information, and cell phone account. If they call up and piss off the wrong person they could REALLY get fucked over. Actually, considering some of the people I worked with, I am surprised it didn't happen more often than it did ... and wasn't reported.

It seems like a lot of people put their brains in neutral when they go on the internet. Thinking they can do and say whatever they want with no repercussions no matter how vile they act. In one way they are right, most of the people they target won't fight back offline. They just shouldn't be surprised if some whack job takes their threats seriously and shows up to say hi.

Shit My Father Said ... about Sons and Daughters.

"With my sons I only have to worry about one prick in town. With my daughters I have to worry about every prick in town!"

This was said to one of my Sisters when she was about 15 or 16 and asked our Father why her older brother could date when he was that age but she couldn't. Need less to say my Sisters ofund this unfair and just snuck out and dated behind Dad's back.

Shit Morons Say ... to their mother.

"No, she was a sweet little MILF."

I have a confession to make. Well, it isn't really new. It isn't something I haven't said before. Sometimes, I am a moron. Sometimes I just have a massive brain fart. It happened today.

I went for a walk with my Mother after supper. At one point I head off to walk up a big hill while she takes a gentler route and we meet up. On the way up the hill I met a woman, as Arizona would say a hotty with a naughty body, walking her Shitsu. Both were friendly so I stopped and talked for a couple of minutes.

When I caught up with my mother I mentioned meeting the woman and dog. Mom said she thought she heard me talking. Then she asked me if it was an older woman walking the dog. (Someone she knows.) I replied with the first thought I had ...

"No, she was a sweet little MILF."

I almost smacked myself in the head because the next thing I expected to hear was "What is a MILF." Luckily my mind had caught up to the speed my mouth was moving and I was able to direct the conversation away from that and onto something else.

Doh!